by Helen Ames
Ego is a universal character trait of all human beings. It gets a bad rap, treated as something we always want to remove or alter. The ego separates us from the oneness of all, allows us to get trapped in fear and anxiety about what other individuals are thinking or judging us for. Ahamkara the Sanskrit word meaning ego is literally translated as the I-maker: I am here, I am alone, I am successful, I am loved, I am disappointing, I am sad, I am happy. The ways we identify ourselves are limitless and ongoing. We developed our ego for a reason; it helps us to identify with the current reality, understand the world around us and in some cases protect us. So how do we balance our ego with our yoga practice?
As a student of yoga I personally know how difficult it is to keep my ego in check in a room of advanced yogis who seem to make each pose seem effortless. Do we allow everyone to see that we are less than what we feel their advanced practice is by honoring our bodies using modifications and props? Why do we as students and teachers choose to use props when we do?
Yoga Modifications are now one of the hottest topics around the yoga community. With more people than ever before doing yoga we as teachers see more opportunities to use modifications in our classes. Yoga can be modified to fit kid classes and pregnant women; there is gentle yoga for people recovering from injury and chair yoga for people that cannot easily move from the floor to standing. We don’t limit our modifications to making things easier for people in compromised situations, we also use props as tools to help students advance their practice. Yoga modifications can help people of all ages and experience levels, I have had classes with people ranging from 7 to 70 years old. With the help of props and modification we can help each person find a level of practice that will challenge them without risking injury. Why is it sometimes so difficult for us as students to use the props or take a modification that could benefit us?
The Ego or Ahamkara is split into a double meaning as described in Core of the Yoga Sutras by B.K.S. Iyengar; aham-akara means I-ness or the form of the formless seer, and ahamkara means the egoistic impersonator of the seer or the reflective mirror of the seer, the seat of pride. It is not that having an ego necessarily keeps us from making modifications, not only in our practice but in all aspects of our lives. The ego is too small, limiting our perspective of ourselves. We feel that we are separate, unconnected and alone. We see someone nailing an advanced pose in class and feel that if we don’t find a way to do the same we are somehow lacking. If we can allow our ego to expand, to embrace all living beings, then their success is also our own. We can change our perspective by embracing and honoring the people around us while accepting that we are just as we should be in this moment, and by understanding that everything is changing. Today we may experience life as limiting while tomorrow it may be limitless. We can choose to accept each exhalation as an offering and prayer and each inhalation as a gift. Anything in excess of that is an experience we base on our perspective, deciding in each moment if it is good or bad. We must begin to change the vrtti, our mental fluctuations, from separation and negativity. When the fluctuations of the mind are healthy and uplifting we become less fearful and more able to enjoy each moment. We can now focus on the pure awareness, love, and peace that fill us when we include all of humanity, all of life, within our ego.
B.K.S Iyengar in his book Light on Yoga states “the last mental state is that of nirudda where the mind, intellect, and ego are all restrained and all these faculties are offered to the Lord for His use and in His service. Here there is no feeling of ‘I’ and ‘mine’”. Yoga, meditation, and self-discovery can help us harness the power of the ego. We grow the ego from the moment we are born into these bodies. We work to develop our sense of self and separateness until we find that manifesting ourselves as an island brings lack into our lives. Now we are ready for the journey that is the practice and discipline of yoga. We then break down this false self to become abundant, whole, and content. We hope to all reach this point before we then surrender at death to be recreated. If we can let go of the false ego, we also let go of the fear of death. We can move on with peace and fulfillment.
Learning when and what we need to practice, whether it be more breathing, being alone, being quiet, chanting loudly, or the more physical asana is an ongoing process. Let the inner wisdom guide us in our practice. Look at how our limited ego keeps us from expanding more quickly because it holds on, attached to its ideas about what we can and can’t do. May we as yoga teachers learn to guide students using our love and support and understand that we all deal with different bodies, different minds and differing limitations. Learn to love our selves for where we are, not where our inflated (or deflated) ego thinks we should be. Let yourself stand out in a class by using props and making adjustments. Be your authentic self.
As I think about yoga modifications and the ego many personal experiences come to mind. I recall classes that resulted in injury because I pushed myself or a student too hard, classes that increased my anxiety after going harder and faster than my mental body needed to work. I think of times when I needed to rest and have more self-care but instead pushed through teaching all the classes on my schedule, becoming exhausted, burnt out, and feeling very all together un-yogic. I also think about my experiences with teachers showing how modifications and props can change your practice. There have also been times when my ego got out of the way and let me lower my knee in a high lunge or rest in child’s pose in lieu of headstand. Why do we seem to need permission to modify? If the teacher is doing then it becomes okay, but we rarely will make modifications ourselves.
Why do we allow other people’s practice, clothing, yoga mat, sweaty hair, or snarky comment make us feel less than we are? It seems as though everywhere there are classes and workshops, 6-week training and retreats planned to help to tame or eradicate the ego. In looking for answers all I can find is expansion and love; allow our personal space and ego to include all of life and feel contentment for the place we are today. May we embrace the journey that all other beings are on, their successes and their failures, as our own.