Yoke Advisor’s Council, member
After nearly two decades working in social service, I’ve come to see time and again how productive relationships are fundamental to every success I have observed. When it comes to a life of serving, relationship is like the breath; without it, there is no service. And no matter what you do, you are in some way providing a service for others. As fast paced as life seems nowadays, there is a way to create a little “breathing space” in what you do and who you do it with. This is through Mentoring, one of the most valuable interactions that can occur for a relationship.
Relationship with a trusted guide is key for growth. A couple of years ago, I pioneered a small mentoring program for foster parents in my local child welfare system. Within the year, the predicted outcome came to pass; responses to the program were positive and far-reaching. From navigating a complicated system of care to enduring crises, committed foster parents provide a paramount service in loving and nurturing society’s most vulnerable members; they are continually learning how to best meet the needs of maltreated children by helping them heal. For a new foster parent mentee, having the listening ear of a trusted guide who provides practical suggestions is crucial. The fact that a parent mentee is able to reach out 24 hours/7 days a week to their own experienced mentor is indisputably important. Now in its toddler-hood, I delight in hearing about the mentor program and all the good happenings that get reported to me by both mentors and mentees. I sometimes joke that our newest generation of licensed foster parents really “don’t know how good they got it!” Seasoned foster parents, who didn’t have the benefit of a mentor, have informed how they had historically felt “lost in the wilderness”, alone with very little guidance as they trudged through learning the system.
Mentoring can happen naturally. Even before the birth of my little mentor program, my thoughts have long been steeped in the significance of mentoring in a variety of trades. I realized that it’s not at all uncommon for folks committed to a passionate cause to network and support each other. I know through my own work experience that small groups of dedicated foster parents connected in order to be helpful for each other—long before my local system of care formalized a mentor program. In fact, it’s not hard noticing how members of any specialized group organize to teach, support and guide other members. We are hardwired for mentoring because it is a practice that sustains a culture. Mentoring most often begins informally because teaching and learning goes hand in hand with interrelating.
Teaching is unceasing. I remember a wise teacher once say, “We are always teaching others”. Emphasizing that at the very basis of every interaction we send messages. Directly and indirectly, we are continually informing with our presence and educating through our conduct. My hairstylist, who is 20 years my junior, recently confessed to me that the reason she asks so many questions when I am sitting in her salon chair is to learn how I deal with life. “I realize there are so many experiences I haven’t yet had” she wisely admitted, “and I wonder how you’ve dealt with the issues that I’ve only heard about.” Her candidness not only let me know she wasn’t just making pleasant conversation; it made me aware that I am modeling for her and that conduct can speak louder than words. E. Wayne Hart, from the Center for Creative Leadership, says about modeling, “Just while observing you mentees pick up many things: ethics, values and standards; style, beliefs and attitudes; methods and procedures. They are likely to follow your lead, adapt your approach to their own style, and build confidence through their affiliation with you. As a mentor, you need to be keenly aware of your own behavior.”
Support from someone who has “walked the walk” is really the best kind. A mentor gives a mentee so much more than a short article on the subject can cover, but it’s important to say a few words on how their care is really the best kind available because a mentor can identify with their mentee like no one else. For a mentee to receive encouragement from someone who has shared understanding is extremely validating. A mentor is a trusted safe haven to receive the mentee’s questions and experiences, and can help the mentee understand different perspectives and the impact of their actions. The mentor does not make decisions for the mentee, but takes on a supportive role; no matter what a mentee chooses, the mentor walks a journey with their mentee. Mentors provide timely help, emotional support, and practical, realistic advice. By a mentors sharing of knowledge, a mentee doesn’t have to “reinvent the wheel” in determining everything on their own.
The impact of mentoring gives a ripple effect. The greatest value of the mentoring relationship is to utilize it as a means of promoting unity, providing service to others, and for creating a sustainable way of life. This impact of this is quite extraordinary when you really think about it. The mentoring practice characterizes what sociologists call “diffusion”, a term which suggests ideas disperse throughout creative communities. Individuals who teach others from their own experience naturally are part of the diffusion phenomenon—which is a powerful ripple effect—and in a larger scheme of life benefits far more than just a couple of individuals, but in turn will affect entire communities of people, and ultimately, can even have a global impact.
So, let’s take a big inhale… And now as we let that go, I leave you with one question to ponder, “In whatever you do and however you serve, how’s your breathing space?”