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Acknowledging Gratitude

Posted on by LauraLynn Jansen

by LauraLynn Jansen

 

A couple weeks ago I added a new gratitude practice to my life. This newest one is with Dr. Lauren Tober and involves photography. Each day I watched a video (sent to my inbox). Lauren describes different aspects to the practice of capturing gratitude. (You can see the images I did on Instagram they start with an image of a “messy” desktop.) Upon completion of the fifth/final day I had an a-ha moment, many moments I’ve captured through a viewfinder, have been prompted by a connection to feeling grateful. These visual records acknowledge a moment felt with gratitude.

Gratitude practices throughout my life tend to deepen my awareness of what is actually happening in life on a day-to-day basis. It also keeps me keenly attuned to being alive on this planet right now, being aware of blessings received and privileges attained. The implementation of a gratitude practice has become as essential to my mental well being as my meditation practice is. Without this daily acknowledgement I feel off, unbalanced in the heart arena, the mind feels a bit unfocused, and the spirit less grounded.

Just over thirty years ago, shortly after I finished all the medical treatments to defeat the cancer over taking my body, I began my first gratitude practice. A friend gave me a heart shaped rock on which he had painted a yin/yang symbol. The symbol wrapped around the rock so the white part was on one side and the black on the other. Without any great intention I kissed the lighter side the first night. I whispered to the beautiful little piece of art my gratefulness for having lived another day of life. Setting down the rock onto the nightstand, I flipped it to the darker side to rest for the night. Upon awakening I held it in my hand. A gratefulness of awakening to another day hummed through my being, so I kissed it again, offering words of thankfulness for awakening to a new day, as I flipped it to the lighter side. Without any great plan this ritual stuck and is now a daily reminder of my being alive.

I am guessing the rock-kissing ritual is uncaused happiness. “A joy that is consistent, despite the ups and downs of life.” (Dr. Lauren Tober) Though I may know a day is likely to bring me an unpleasant challenge I am still grateful to be alive. Versus the counterpart to this Buddhist philosophy, caused happiness. This second type of happiness refers to the attainment of something or having a particular interaction causing a moment of happiness.

Last week a dear friend left this reality and another friend the week before. Each passing prompted a deep reflection on the capacity to be happy and gratitude’s connection to it. The first passing was a suicide, a young woman. Her struggles, I imagine, led her to ultimately be unable to feel a consistent gratitude for life. The other friend battling a disease for many, many months, taking its’ toll bit-by-bit. Somehow she emanated gratitude and happiness with her impeding death. I know she spoke often of the blessings she felt in her life. It makes me wonder what the deep impact of a gratitude practice can create? Did my other friend, who took her life, have such a practice? If not, could it have assisted her in some way to feel more connected to life? How deeply does the capacity to feel and then express gratitude influence our capacity to be happy with life? Dr. Tober’s research, up to this point, suggests there can be a strong correlation.

What I am sure of, is grounding in gratitude each day assists me in being present to and loving life.

Would you like to dabble in more gratitude? See theYoke’s Facebook or Twitter every #ThankfulThursday.

 

Shining Light on Competition

Posted on by LauraLynn Jansen

 

by Marlo Nikkila

Being an entrepreneur and a yoga teacher has proven to be quite the journey. Along the way, I’ve come to see my business, as it’s own living entity and one of my greatest spiritual teachers. It is where I witness what stops me in life, where my gifts are, and where I can grow.   My business is my mirror.

When I first started my own business, I studied what other people were doing and how they were doing it.   I was grateful for the examples of what was possible and ideas to try in my own business.

Over the years, something shifted and what was once a gift is now something that is stopping me from showing up the way I want to.

Instead of seeing the other businesses owners as guides or teachers, I have been viewing them as “competition.” It’s embarrassing to admit what I am about to share since these are not my proudest moments; and I’m willing to share them because I sense it may support or serve someone in some way.

As I’ve gotten really honest with myself, I’ve noticed jealously, bitterness, and even judgment toward others and what they have created, all spewing out of me. I see this especially in areas where I tend to struggle, or areas I am in the process of creating for myself.   There is a sense that if they are successful, there isn’t enough time or space for me to be successful, too.

Sometimes when I read a book, or learn of a program someone is offering I find myself either tearing it apart with thoughts of “They don’t know what they are talking about,” “I can’t believe they are charging so much money for this,” or with more building up thoughts of “Wow. They’ve done better than I ever could, so I should just forget about doing what I was planning.”

And then something softens in me. I recognize they are doing the work. They are putting themselves out there. They are actively engaging with the world.

And this is something I haven’t been doing.

What I have been doing is sitting on the sidelines judging from afar, as a way to keep me safe. I have yet to fully share my writings, programs, and inspirations in a way I imagine. Instead they are all stored in my computer, and sometimes only in my head. Seeing where my judgments and critical eye has taken me shows me what I am fearing the most— not knowing what I am talking about, not adequately charging for my programs and services, or what I have to offer is not unique or good enough.

Becoming a yoga teacher is a gift. What I see and experience more often in the yoga community actually comes from a place of collaboration and supporting each other.

Even so, I notice how “competition” follows me to my mat. After receiving my 200 hour yoga teacher certification in 2013, I began paying attention to things I would have never noticed simply being a student. Similar to when I began my business, I also study teachers when I go to their classes. I watch how they cue postures, order their sequences, and often note what kind of music they play.  It has become hard to turn off my “teacher” brain. Most often I find something I love that the teacher did or said. Then this noticing turns into wishing I could be as good as them. These thoughts then turn into judgments towards myself. I begin to wonder how I fit in the yoga world. I question why anyone would want to come to my classes when there are so many great yoga teachers out there. And I notice the same pattern in my business surfacing.

I am deeply grateful for the evolution of my business to teach mindful manifesting where I blend yoga, energy work, and universal laws together. This combined practice brings me to the awareness of feelings rising to the surface. This is very evident when I am triggered by “competition.” I realize now that every time I judge someone stepping into his or her business; I chip away at my own potential. It keeps me on the sidelines, observing and not participating or even attempting to create, teach, or share. It keeps my focus outside of myself and onto what others are doing. I become stuck in thinking I am better than them, or they are better than me. Neither of which serve anyone.

When I witness myself being in the energy of competition, it becomes an indicator to me. I must go deeper. I need to look at what’s going on within me. When I pause to do this, I detect shifts wanting to happen. Ideas I hold want to come to life and to be shared. It’s time for me to step onto my path in a loving, collaborative, spacious way that allows others do to the same.

It becomes important for my true yoga practice to embody the following:

*Tune into my own self-expression and my unique way of being. Know this is true for everyone. Each of us brings something into the world that isn’t already here. Even if we are teaching the same sequence in yoga, or have a similar business, it is different because it comes from who we are.

*Celebrate what others are doing, ESPECIALLY if it is something I would like to be, do or experience. They are an example of what’s possible. And if others are teaching the same thing as me, celebrate that the message and teachings are getting out there to the larger world.

*Grow my own confidence in a healthy way instead of tearing others apart and bringing them down. Know this is only an attempt to make myself feel better. Plus it never truly works. Ever.

*Look for and celebrate examples of businesses and yogi’s who embody collaboration with each other. Just the other day, I was looking at a vegan cookbook. It was endorsed by my favorite vegan chef who has two cookbooks. This was such a beautiful example of the overflowing energy I want to embrace.

*Actively engage with the world, instead of just thinking about it. Step in. Share my ideas, my programs, and my retreats.

* “I freely want others to have what I want.” The universe is abundant and there is room for all of us to have what we want. This manifesting mantra helps me align my energy to this knowledge of endless abundance, for everyone.

When I tune into these thoughts and these ways of being, all my fears, judgments, jealousy melt away. It feels good to be in a space that allows and honors each of us for the gifts we bring to the world, on and off our mat.

 

Namaste’

 

I honor the place in you in which the entire universe dwells.

I honor the place in your which is love, light and of peace.

When you are in that place in you and I am in that place in me,

We are one.

 

~Marlo

www.marlonikkila.com

A Mother’s Love

Posted on by LauraLynn Jansen

by Priscilla Torres-Lopez

Life with kids gets hectic at times. There are days we have it altogether and others, well… you know what those other days are like. The kids are fighting amongst each other, dinner needs to be cooked, homework still needs reviewing, adult business matters need tending, and everyone needs to be washed up and ready for bedtime stories. Let’s be honest, there are days the kids skip the shower or even story time altogether and adult work waits till tomorrow.

I am a wife to a husband who travels for many months at a time. Making the transition into a one-parent home and back again is trying, especially when you’re a working mother. This one factor alone creates added responsibilities and emotional shifts to our family dynamic. Whether you’re a single parent or not, every family has experiences with frustration and exhaustion. These moments can be further exacerbated by forgetting to take time for ourselves. I am not the perfect parent, and nor will I ever claim to be. I work hard to be mindful of my reactions and how they can affect the ones I love. Creating calming rituals for myself, and with the girls, is key for me/us in managing the ever-changing dynamics of our family.

Being a parent in general can cause the nervous system to become uneasy. When the kids are arguing and a meltdown takes place, especially in the middle of a public setting, our body prepares itself for a fight or flight response. Often this reduces our patience even further and sometimes it is the breaking point. As parents we try to practice mindfulness in these situations, and we try to help encourage our children to do the same when in the midst of a stressful event. We want our children to be able to express their emotions in a way that is healthy without the whole restaurant unavoidably listening into the conversation. These are the moments when I have to tune out what really doesn’t matter and tune in to what does, and meditation assists me in honing this skill.

I start by bringing inner awareness to my own body first. I take time to realign my thoughts and emotions for clarity, of course sometimes this has to happen in a split second. Basic concepts of observation, inner listening are all meditation techniques I am learning as a yoga teacher and a mom. Daily practice of these mindfulness methods, help me tremendously in these moments with my children. I introduced these key concepts of meditation to my girl’s early on in their lives. Book knowledge tells me meditation offers them children life long skills to build brain function and retention, as well as the capacity to be better self-regulators. Real-time knowledge demonstrates meditation’s power to me every day.

There are many challenges that occur with raising children, especially girls. Emotions can get high creating a chemical imbalance within their beings and learning to counteract this physiological affect is key to living a peaceful life with three girls. How does one remain mindful in stressful situation? How can we decrease anxiety and improve the emotional stability for our children (and ourselves) so the impact is sustainable happiness and peace of mind?

In our house we have two set times for meditative rituals. We gather together in the moments before we walk out the door for school. We take a moment of stillness. Often my youngest, Maddie (5), will grab the singing bowl I use for teaching and dings it. Though she is playing around at times, it sets a tone for all of us. The other set time is after school when emotions are very high, myself included.

I have introduced a mantra as well, this is especially helpful during the extra energy moments. I find myself spontaneously incorporating mantra chanting into our daily home lives by becoming more mindful of the practice itself. While I drive the girls to school or while washing the dishes I’ll chant mantras, repeat positive affirmations. My intention is to liberate and expand their consciousness, unbeknownst to them.

I noticed after introducing it to them the oldest, Adalina (10), headed up a research party. She and the little ones went online looking for a video so they could learn the mantra. Om. They told me they wanted to join in singing. Sometimes as we brush our teeth, sometimes as we prepare for bed they request to sing it. I know when they recite it they feel the vibration. I can literally see the negativity vanishing. I am uncertain they realize this, which is just fine. I can see how all these techniques are subtlely and naturally helping them become calmer and more confident. They pick up on the authentic feelings and energy. It gives them the desire to settle into a time of relaxation while simultaneously sharpening their own minds. When we meditate our body under goes a structural change resulting in relaxation and improved functioning of our entire body. By incorporating a time to check in with the body, we allow our children to solve problems within themselves.

On a physical level, meditation increases our serotonin production, which improves our mood and behavior. That may explain why the kids feel so much happier and compassionate toward one another after sitting in stillness for at least a few minutes. When I say stillness I don’t mean this image we paint in our head of eyes closed and everyone stone silent. There is no perfect circle, no magical moment where everyone is listening and no one is fidgeting. However, it is in the moments in between; this is where real life happens. In these moments the true practice of mindfulness becomes tested. Real life put into action. I still hear the complaining of the “do we have too, this is boring, ugh, I don’t want her touching or looking at me “ the list is endless of what they can come up with. Incorporating a healthy practice of mindfulness benefits theirs and my life everyday. I have witnessed this firsthand, with higher self-esteem, understanding, and compassion in my own girls. Which in turn has a huge effect on the whole family and the ones we love.

Ultimately, we must be willing to be the change we want to see in our children’s lives, and the world around us. I am not the perfect parent nor will I ever claim to be, however, I will hold myself accountable to consciously honor my true self and set time aside to recalibrate my own mind, body, and spirit. How do I do this? I take a bit of time for myself, even if it’s five to ten minutes every other day. As long as I make a conscious decision to set time aside to honor myself first, the shift in energy begins. I take this time to still the mind from the thoughts of the busyness of my every day to gain clarity and have peace of mind for my family. Again, there is no perfect way of breathing, sitting, or even moment, as parents we must just take the little time we have and work to make the best of every situation.

When we do so consciously we make a difference in our children’s lives, providing them a means for living a sustainable, peaceful life now and into the future.

Resolve to Evolve

Posted on by LauraLynn Jansen

by LauraLynn Jansen

 

Ancient records indicate during the year of 350CE the Yoga Sutras were written. These writings are believed to have been created, by Patanjali, as a guide through the practical arts and process of understanding our own realities. Su (of Sutra) is defined as ‘to thread’ and tra ‘to transcend.’ The Sutras provide an opportunity to discover how we can free ourselves from the constraints we place upon our lives. These habits or patterns we’ve formed often keep us from living our lives fully, in Sanskrit they are known as samskaras.

Sutra III.18       Samskara saksat karanat purvajati jnanam

 This Sutra is one of the rare ones, in 190 plus sutras, to address a teaching through looking at the past. One translation of it reads: “Through sustained focus and meditation on our patterns, habits and conditioning we gain knowledge and understanding of our past and of how we can change the patterns that aren’t serving us to live more freely and fully.”

Often when I find myself stuck it is usually a samskara rising up to challenge me. I have fallen deeply into its groove. I can visually see a mini version of myself stuck in a trench-sized groove on a big vinyl record spinning around and around – doing the same thing over and over. Once I’ve recognized I am stuck in a pattern, eventually I can no longer to stay in it, and then commit myself to using this habit as a point of focus to grow. Samyaya is the name given to this practice of mental refinement. I try to be gentle and curious with myself as I go through this procedure. It often leads me to greater clarity. Eventually, my labors of awareness progressive change are consistently rewarded by a reduction in my daily agitations and deeper sense of satisfaction with my life.

Consider a relationship that challenges you. We tend to fall into patterns of interacting with individuals, especially close relations – partners, family, children, and parents. Each time we encounter this person(s) we are at choice on how we will relate to them. We may forget this power we possess and unconsciously fall into the same old discourse arrangement silently contracted over time with the person. I have several people in my life with which I desire a deeper relationship; and still somehow we get stuck in no-man’s land. I realize if I keep being unwilling to step into parts of their world, that I may not like, I am being unwilling. I am not saying I have to like it, but a willingness to ask, support in some way, or acknowledge it to them won’t kill me. And it can mean a lot to them. Worse yet is when I unconsciously and solely blame them for something I could also be contributing to the demise of. I wrote a bit about a lifelong pattern I had akin to this with my father in my memoir, Inspired to Live. He and I have taken turns shunning the other due to our judgments of each other. Somewhere along the way we both stopped the insanity of holding onto our resentments and hurts. We each realized our part and stepped up to be different, without ever really naming it. I know for me this was a long process, almost a decade, of reflecting on my own attitudes and actions towards him. Now I am deeply grateful I did the work of svadhyaya (reflection) so I don’t miss out on having my father in my life now.

As we move into 2017 I wish for you the willingness to gain a greater understanding of your samskaras. May this inner dialogue bless you with purvajati jnanam, the recognition of your historical choices.

May you resolve to evolve, and your svadhyaya of these conditionings lead you to live more freely and fullyfrom the deepest part of your heart, where your wishes and dreams reside.

Namaste

 

P.S. if you would like to dig deeper into how the Sutras can assist you in discovering yourself we will begin an in-depth study group in February, The Root of the Lotus.

Sacred Activism

Posted on by LauraLynn Jansen

A conversation with Robin Renée and LauraLynn Jansen

 

A sense of how activism is morphing in my (LauraLynn’s) life arose several years ago. This consideration of this transformation, to something associated with a deep sacredness lead me to call on a dear friend, Robin Renée. The limited verbal description of my sense immediately resonated with her, and a thoughtful and sweet interchange ensued. We reconnected over this type of sacred act as the presence of folks in the Dakota Access Pipeline standoff made themselves more known months ago.

This deep and compelling demonstration led us to dig deeper into what we coined sacred activism.

 

How would you define sacred activism?

RR: For as long as I’ve had a general sense of what sacred activism is, I have never fully fleshed out a definition of what it means for me. This is certainly a work-in-progress, but here it goes: Sacred activism is the merging of what is vital to the spirit with essential action in the world. It is recognizing when changes must be made in the political or social arena in the interest of health, wellbeing, or equality and then taking action while staying rooted in love and compassion for all. Sacred activism is not dogmatic activism. It is inclusive and does not squabble over the ways one might express and understand the sacred. It is progressive in that it embraces diversity and seeks to create positive change for the many rather than the few. Sacred activism holds an awareness of when to be silent and when to be loud. Sacred activism allows for an activist’s strength and focus to emerge from within and to guide that activist’s work.

LL: I completely align with Robin’s working definition of “the merging of what is vital to the spirit with essential action in the world.” I am also in complete agreement that sacred activism comes with a capacity to know when to speak into the space and when to hold space. It is the knowing of Self so deeply in the moment there is no doubt about right action to be taken.

RR: I wish I could be certain of the right action! For me, that where activism challenges me most. I tend to feel surer of highest ideals – equal opportunity, respect, consent, etc. Exactly what to do to reach the highest outcome in a particular situation isn’t always the easiest for me. I think though, that is why it is important to have activists from all walks of life. Some will hold the big picture, while others are tactical planners, and each could have a sense of sacred activism at the core.

 

When and how have you applied this as an act in your life?

LL: Many years ago I was given the opportunity to be in an HBO documentary (anonymously). The movie outlined a policy that kept many military folks in hiding and lying about who they really were. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity to speak out about the restrictions faced by my partner and myself, without jeopardizing her career. It allowed me to hold the sacredness of our commitment to each other and hers to her job, while also speaking out regarding the inequality we faced as a couple.

RR: When I was in college, I was much more of what most people think of when they think “activist.” I was out in the street with very visible protest – about war, racism, economic disparity, a cure for AIDS – if awareness needed to be raised, I was all about the business of raising it. I eventually wound up primarily as a very visible LGBT community organizer which felt the most natural activist niche for me. After a while, I felt I was doing less and less “out in the world,” until I considered myself a semi-retired activist or when I was feeling less good about it, a “bad” or “lapsed” activist. I eventually came to a very different understanding of this transition.

As I found myself being less of a typical activist, I remained very active in what I came to call “creating spaces.” Still drawn most powerfully toward issues of sexuality and gender identity, I hosted discussion groups and meetups, and organized events for bi and queer people. I became more active in the polyamory community and created spaces there as well. For a while, I still felt bad, as if the kind of work I was doing wasn’t enough. I eventually realized that I was following my calling. Rather than shouting in the street, my strength was to open my home up to alternative people who need a place to gather and to connect with people similar to themselves. I wanted to create spaces where people can learn, challenge and be challenged, make connections, and find a sense of belonging. I remain an out and visible member of the bi/poly/sex-positive communities, which I hope helps others realize the ability to be honest about their lives. I make it a point to think and write about these ideas as intersectionally as possible – What is my experience of being black and poly, female and queer, bi and spiritual? I have come to understand this kind of holding space for and celebrating those outside the mainstream as sacred activism; it helps make a place for all of us, in our deep and honest realities.

Over those same years, my personal spiritual practice was developing and increasing. I shared my kirtan chanting in many contexts, often yoga-specific. Taking it out of its typical context felt like a kind of spiritual activism. I’ve brought spirit-focused workshops and meditative space to the Poly Living conference in Philadelphia, and I’ve chanted at the “Zen Tent” at the New Jersey Pride festival. I like to be the one to bring a contemplative aspect into the midst of an otherwise more typical activist or alternative social space. I believe the more peaceful and grounded we are through whichever spiritual practices call to us, our personal connections and direct activism will be that much more fine-tuned.

 

Why is NOW an appropriate time to have conversations about sacred activism? 

LL: NOW is always a good time to do anything you feel raises passion in you, I believe. The highly sacred act taken by folks at the Dakota Access Pipeline feels very palpable at the moment, a perfect gateway to start such conversations in our communities. Not only did the water keepers and other protectors look after sacred lands and the sacredness of the land, they invoked sacredness and called forth others to do the same through rituals of respect for aina (Hawaiian word for all the physical and spiritual attributes of the earth beneath our feet). The opportunity to have such a public display and the outpouring of support and respect demonstrates how NOW is the time to consider being sacredly active. Every time we engage in any form of Yoga, an opportunity of sacredness awaits us. To recognize these moments, to act on such moments, and acknowledge these moments as a personal opening to express faith in the presence of goodness, is truly a form of activism in our current world.

RR: Yes, the protests at Standing Rock have been amazing. What a powerful example of strength, courage, and unity. It is also an example of how inner work like prayer and ceremony can combine with direct action to bring forth great resolve and positive effect.

I believe we have a very serious situation in light of the US Presidential election. So much racism, xenophobia, sexism, and disregard for truth has been stirred up, that there is a real need to act NOW, to stay active, and to stay aware. I don’t believe matching hatred and disdain with equal and opposite hatred and disdain can help us. This is where discussions of sacred activism can open us to avenues of real change. What are the ways we can create our political movements – and stem the tide of the damage being done – while staying grounded in love and an awareness of the inherent humanity of all? Also, my sense of sacred activism tells me that now is not a time for simply creating spaces, the meditation cushion, or the yoga mat alone. My sense of the sacred tells me I MUST act out in the world, be it in writing to government officials, organizing for the next election cycles, visible protest, or whatever action may be needed. Conversations about sacred activism and enacting it in whatever ways we can might be the ingredient many of us need in the essential work of safeguarding democracy and personal safety.

 

…and the conversation between Robin Renée (singer/songwriter) and LauraLynn Jansen (theYoke’s executive director).

 

You can see more about Robin at: http://www.robinrenee.com

And more about LauraLynn at: http://www.lljansen.com

 

An Attitude of Gratitude

Posted on by LauraLynn Jansen

by LauraLynn Jansen

 

Yoga saved me!

 

This last Halloween marks 30 years since Yoga entered my life. It entered without any label, without fancy pants, or a special name. Specialty labels for Yoga were basically non-existent at the time. I did these practices by myself, because I knew of nowhere to go to join others. Mainly though, it was (and still is) a very personal practice for me. I didn’t enter an actual studio till almost a decade later. Stretching in postures and meditation began as strictly a coping mechanism. These practices assisted me in alleviating anxieties provoked by endless pokes of chemotherapy needles. It gave me a window of comfort in the middle of the night as I lay considering the tumor lying between my heart and lungs, and its’ power to bring me down. It took my mind somewhere, away from the physical pain of the burning chemicals in my veins; and to a peaceful place as I lay beneath the massively intimidating radiation machines. Amongst the noise of hospital rooms, where I went often, I could lean into the silent spaces of my mind for comfort. These Yogic practices offered me insights to see beyond my fears as doctors twisted their faces attempting to relate to the 20 year old in front of them. What I now call Yoga allowed me to see beyond the 50% chance of surviving a year. It brought me to a place of calm in the cancer storm rolling through my life.

 

Honestly, I can’t even recall what exactly introduced me to this tradition. I do recall a thin purple book with a person skipping across the beach on the cover. This book outlined the basics of breathing, stretching (done without any special mat), and a beginning to understanding how the mind works. I could have never predicted it would lead to a life long journey, a journey that grows me inside, outside, and beyond each and every day. The gratitude I have for this life practice named Yoga is indescribable. I want to clarify what I mean by Yoga. When I use this word I do not mean the common modern image of a body in tight pants moving from one fascinating position to another. Yes, I do own yoga pants and do do asana… though it is only a very small portion of what I consider to be Yoga. I use asana to prep for sitting in meditation, a bigger part of what I consider as Yoga. The choices of words, actions, and daily deeds are the largest segment of how I practice Yoga.

 

Recently, I discovered a wonderful magazine out of the Netherlands, Happinez. An article on love resonated very deeply with me, especially the portion regarding the love of the Divine/God/Great Spirit/whatever you name this greater force, branded agape by ancient Greeks. It mentions how deep challenges create awareness beyond the day-to-day. How turbulent times in life can expand our capacity to love. Both the infamous Eckhart Tolle and Byron Katie began their journey to love in this way.

 

My own awareness of unity with this greater force/God, anchors my life. Yoga is what brought me back to God all those years ago while consciously facing death. Yoga connected me back to a source I had grown dismayed and disillusioned by in my younger years growing up Catholic. The rediscovery of this entity of pure love lead me to promise embodying agape to the best of my ability for the rest of my life. Yoga is this true practice of love, I aspire to transcend ego one moment after another. Sometimes I am successful and sometimes I am certain Yogini status will never be mine. It asks us to surrender completely to moments of opening ourselves, so we may glimpse a deep sense of unity (Yoga). A feeling, felt once, is filled with the power to change us forever. This I know to be true. My opening experience took me from a place of total disdain and complete lack of knowing about Self. This state, previously set into motion in pursuit of a modeling career, now is a replaced by attempting to cultivate of an attitude of gratitude.

 

Since the 30 year anniversary of my diagnosis this last October six people I consider friends, individuals who I have fond memories with, have shared with me they have cancer. This “bad” news came one after another, after another on the heels of saying a way too quick good-bye to one of my girls (pooches), Ms. Mona. On top of it all, the insane energy of the US election.

“Love is what makes the pain bearable,” the article assures me. And I know the only way to maintain that channel of love is through continual recognition and connection to this source of utmost Love. It is through yogic practices, every day and in every way, do I know and feel assured this two-way stream remains flowing. And still 30 years later I am so grateful to Yoga for coming into my life.

A Kaleidoscope of Yoga

Posted on by LauraLynn Jansen

A conversation with Dr. Douglas Files

 

theYoke sits down with board president, Douglas Files, M.D. to learn how Yoga came into his life and its impact since he first encountered it.

What were your first impressions?

Yoga was popular in California in the 70s though I didn’t know much about it. When I became a doctor patients shared how they were using it to treat back pain. I wasn’t sure about the medical validity of it, since I try not to form a strong opinion about something without learning about it. Many things exist in the world that I don’t understand; I try not to judge them until I know more about them.

How did Yoga come into your life?

I started doing yoga as many Americans do: for exercise. A friend was going and I thought “why not?” New things are interesting. Initially, I performed embarrassingly poorly. My arms were so weak that even Downward Dog was a challenge. My enjoyment of the social interaction drove me to continue attending classes. I could laugh at my struggles, but they also motivated me to improve. My mindset as a doctor is to achieve, achieve, achieve…perform the absolute best I can. However, I now realize that pushing too hard in asana can be counterproductive.

What motivated you to start? And what keeps you going?

A close friend noticed the back pain I lived with daily. Thanks to her support (and some slight nagging) I finally decided to check out a yoga class. Once I got into it I appreciated the exercise, and the social aspects. Plus I saw myself improving slowly. I engaged the instructor for private yoga classes when she noted a few sessions targeting the back could influence my full asana practice. The weekly sessions at my home improved my back pain almost instantaneously. Daily routines became easier, such as getting into and out of the car; and pick up things from the floor. My core also strengthened, which of course is key to back health. The sudden bursts of pain I would regularly experience had basically disappeared, which surprised and amazed me. Several years later, I still regularly do the asana practice given to me. If I skip it the pain returns.

What compelled you to work with theYoke?

I was seeking a new charitable activity that I could volunteer for. When LauraLynn Jansen mentioned forming a Yoga-based non-profit organization called theYoke, I jumped at the chance. Its vision and mission, to unite yogis was intriguing. I offered to help build the organization. Despite my lack of Yoga expertise, I am familiar with performing administrative related tasks from running my own small business. Also my passion for education was piqued by the organization’s mission to assist in educating the general public about the full spectrum of Yoga.

 

Have you discovered other aspects of Yoga (beyond asana)?

I continue to seek deeper Yoga experiences through service to this great organization and the people whose lives it touches. Living more in a mental world than a physical one, I yearn to learn more about the non-physical aspects of Yoga. During theYoke’s first year I joined the Yoga Folk Book Club. We read books about raja and other forms of Yoga and held interesting discussions. My favorite Yoga author is Stephen Cope, although I also relish Judith Lasater’s books.

Sampling the smorgasbord of Yoga, I’ve tried doing guided meditations and just sitting quietly on my own. Neither of them refreshes me, and no new insights have presented themselves. By nature I am not a patient person. I am probably not putting sufficient time into the practice. Reading a book or taking a walk through the woods are more rejuvenating for me. Basic breathing exercises sometimes help me to relax. The taste of Irish whiskey is appealing, but pranayama relaxes me better.

Over time, yoga has become for me more about service and philosophy than about exercise. In recent years I am exploring the service yogic path, working to advance theYoke. Readers of this column are urged to volunteer, as it is highly rewarding. I especially like the people I have met through yoga…rich in experiences, pilgrims and seekers all.

How has Yoga changed you?

Initially, I didn’t realize the full range of what “Yoga” involves. On a daily basis nowadays I move differently than I used to, extending muscles and doing modified asana. It would be a stretch to call it serious Yoga. But I realize Yoga is so much more than asana. It involves performing services to the Yoga community nearly every day, which I find highly satisfying. I also think differently than I used to, striving to disengage from petty annoyances, which matter little in the grand scheme.

One great surprise about this journey is how much I have enjoyed reading texts related to Yogic philosophy. A quote by Carlos Castaneda has become a personal mantra on which to reflect regularly: “The thing to do when you are confused is to turn to your left and ask advice from your death.”

Each individual’s yogic path is different and mine differs from the path of many American yogis. But it has been a robust and kaleidoscopic path, full of color and movement…oh, and people: wonderful people.

Rock Star vs. Plain Old

Posted on by LauraLynn Jansen

by LauraLynn Jansen

 

An Open Letter of Inquiry (and disclosure) to all Yoga Folk,

 

I am a plain old Yoga teacher. Classes I offer are with usually less than 10 people. I don’t teach flow. I don’t tour. My initial Yoga was a meditative-based personal immersion practice for almost 10 years, before I ever stepped on a mat. I didn’t plan to be a teacher. The most important part of offering Yoga, for me, is how present I am with students. I rarely post myself in a Yoga selfie. Community, the connection created with students to each other/myself and a connection with other Yoga teachers is one of the deepest values I consistently hold.

 

Knowing all these things about myself as a Plain Old Yoga Teacher the evolution of the Rock Star Yoga Teacher has been fascinating for me to observe. I wonder, did they pursue rock star status, or was it something that just happened? What do they love about this life style? What challenges them? What do they value most about their work? How do they define success as a teacher of this tradition? Do they feel in control of the role model image that is collectively being created (see article below)?

 

 

If you are a well-known Yoga teacher and you happen to see this inquiry; I would love to talk with you. Can we have a conversation about these ponderings?

 

If you are a student of this ancient practice would you write us about what compels you to a particular teacher?

 

Thanks for reading and considering.

 

LauraLynn Jansen

theYoke, executive director & founder

Beyond the Bars

Posted on by LauraLynn Jansen

offered by an anonymous source

 

I remember getting into a lot of mischief, and being in and out of trouble since the age of six or seven. My guess it’s because of a dysfunctional family, a mother who suffered from addiction and a father who was absorbed in his military career, which lead to prolonged absences.

I rebelled at everything. Running out of the classroom in elementary school and going off on my own adventures are earliest occurrences I can recall. These behaviors caused me to switch schools multiple times just during my elementary years. This escalated into more pronounced delinquent behavior as my family was stationed at another base when I was 10. I fell into this obsession to run with gangs, it gave me a feeling of security, protection, and a sense of superiority among others. I started beating people up, carrying a gun. and I was real badass.

My first incarceration came at the age of 13. It was very traumatic. I suffered a separation from all I had become familiar with… family, friends, usual comforts, and my privacy. Other misguided youth surrounded me and we all suffered the same feelings, just different story lines. After six months I was released from the juvenile facility and back to my parents. Within 2 weeks my parents had a big fight resulting in my mother leaving my father and taking us to upstate New York quite rapidly.

Eventually I was incarcerated in New York, leading to a full year sentence in a juvenile facility. During this incarceration I also “caught” my first charge as an adult for assault on another inmate. Happy 16th birthday to me.

My mother relocated to Florida during my incarceration. Upon release I was put on a plane and sent to Florida. I continued getting arrested. All total I was locked up in Florida, Texas, Georgia, New York, Ohio and Alabama.

I was a career criminal. A criminal who has shot at people, stolen, robbed, sold drugs, and assaulted numerous people with little to no remorse for my actions. The DOC is not a rehabilitative program, it tends to breed smarter criminals and thrives on recidivism. It is not an industry that heals. I wish I could tell you that the rehabilitation of the Department of Corrections (DCO) is what helped me in my dramatic change, but it wasn’t.

In 2007, a Buddhist guy came to our facility twice a month. My idea of meditation, at the time, had to do with developing super human powers. This concept appealed to my power- hungry need for safety, a feeling permeating from past delinquencies. So… of course I went to check it out. Funny thing is, we did not meditate. This man, who is a saint and still one of the closet friends I have to this day, just talked.

His first talk addressed the four noble truths. You know life is suffering, our suffering comes from our attachments, our desires. He said, “The way to break the suffering is through following the eight fold path.” Please excuse my very simplistic explanation of this, but the gist is there. This teaching resonated so much with me I was “hooked” immediately. I had studied The Bible during many of my incarcerations. I’ve been “saved” I don’t know how many times. (I’m not knocking Christianity. I did feel a sense of peace reading Jesus’s teachings.) None of it “fixed” me, however. I was still there with all my s***.

Imagine a dorm room of 80 other loud and obnoxious men, who mostly hated me. This is where I began to sit. Trying to practice in that environment was the hardest thing I have ever done. At first, I couldn’t sit for 5 minutes without having to stop. Still I practiced, twice a day, and eventually the sitting got easier. Yoga also came to my life at this time. Luckily the chapel at the prison had a donated audiotape by Kripalu. I listened intently trying to follow along as best I could. Eventually it got easier too. I kept up both of these practices for last 18 months before my release of last and longest sentence of 5 years. They helped me dramatically. I felt different. A clarity and lightness assisted me in reacting differently upon my release at the age of 28. Finally, I felt like I was getting my shit together.

The world outside of prison moves at a different pace. Within the walls of prison time seems to stop. People can change while incarcerated and often expectations (from everyone) can be high. The transition is tough. Sometimes these expectations are based on who you were before you entered while at the same time… folks expect change of some sort.

Society is unforgiving. Finding a job is nearly impossible and getting into college seemed equally impossible. Neither would have happened for me without my practice. Learning to sit still with my own crap, in a highly dangerous environment, gave me the fortitude and perseverance to make it over major obstacles. It’s been an up hill battle the whole way.

After a visit with family I committed to living at a residential Zen center for almost a full year upon release. Despite the challenges I faced, living on a couch while going to school and so on. I never strayed from my practice. A growing awareness of the practice’s impact, on my life, motivated me to bring it to more people. In 2008 I wholeheartedly pursued becoming a dharma teacher. Along the path I felt a limitation, so I opened my scope of practice. I needed a better “vehicle.” I spoke to my teacher about this. He had interned at the UMASS medical school in the 90’s and learned the Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program. My teacher is the kind that doesn’t suggest much, instead when an idea enters his head about someone’s path he sets you on it. I trust him and he hasn’t been wrong yet. I completed the requirements to teach MBSR in 2014.

Now, I teach to the public, but the real work I do is in the prison. The last place I ever thought I would voluntarily walk into was a prison. My teacher, not so subtly, encouraged me to volunteer there. Ironically, I couldn’t find any other place to do an internship for my Bachelor of Social Work because of my record. I did, however, met the requirements to become a volunteer at a prison! I mean come on! Right?!?!?!

Working at the prison is the most fulfilling thing I have done in my 35 years of life. Classes to the general public are still part of my life. There is a level of rawness with the prisoners that is profound. The desire for these men to change, to be able to “meet” themselves is something to behold. It is still a hard, loud environment to sit in. Finding a relative silence within the confines of so much noise and suffering is sobering and deeply impactful on me still.

I have noticed from my years of teaching these men, they are just like me. Forgotten and cast away by their family, friends, and society. Placed in boxes where healing can not be done. Most of the times they are placed on psychotropic drugs to subdue them so they are less of a hassle to the prison guards. Unfortunately, experience has shown me the abusiveness and need to control of the prisoners by correctional individuals is due to a suffering of their own compassion fatigue, burnout, and trauma. It is a vicious cycle with unforeseeable way out of for the majority of them.

Being in the south, even teaching MBSR as a secular practice, still scares people away. There is still the stigma that this is the devil’s practice. Inmates checking out MBSR; who also attend Muslim or Christian practice to find relief; are often shunned by other inmates of their same faith. This causes them to loose the only support base they have in prison. Contemplative practices are still stigmatized by prison staff and administration. Few are willing to believe the research and even less will outwardly support it. Inmates share with me that it is shunned behind my back. This is all a work in progress. I try to focus less on the obstacles and more on the solutions.

A few months ago I was granted my first 2-day retreat at the prison. It had phenomenal results. I am committed to keep pushing for these men. Highlighting the real results I find and presenting research studies to the administration is all part of my commitment. Changes in the inmates themselves are continuously observable. Change can come. No one is without the ability to change direction and become a better person. Allowing a space to start to heal their own trauma is the key. We can’t heal them. We can offer tools and allow space for a chance to begin self-healing.

Any time an inmate or person from the public thanks me I have the same answer, “I did nothing. You did the work.” I want them to realize that the healing came from within them. The changes they made were due to their willingness to meet the rough edges of life. I keep pointing all my students back into themselves, where the true teacher lies.

Recently, on Facebook, there was a conversation regarding doing something nice for someone else. It spoke to the expectation of receiving something in return for being nice, and that we are running a business. We need to think about this. Truly it’s not wrong to get paid for certain teachings. Maybe that’s all some of us want is to be in business, and I can respect that choice. What I am asking you to remember is you have something that is more valuable than money. We all have tools to give to others in the lowest states of their lives. Consider a voluntary offering that could make a dramatic change.

I am so grateful for the man who volunteered his time to come into prison and give me the space to learn so much. It has allowed me to become the man I am today. I am happy the majority of the time. However, the amount of isolation and trauma I faced growing up still shadows me to this day. I find space and freedom through my practice. This freedom is not from sadness, loneliness, or fear. It is a freedom from the drive to run. The courage I’ve gained allows me to face and “sit” with feelings until they pass. The moment of passing is my liberation. It’s a liberation I want to share with as many others as I can even those who do not have the ability to pay for a class. Think on this my friends. I encourage you to find a balance and give as much as you get.

-anonymous

Seva: the path of Karma Yoga

Posted on by LauraLynn Jansen

by LauraLynn Jansen

 

During my travels over the last couple months I picked up a copy of Peppermint, an Australian magazine focused on style, sustainability and substance. It drew my eco-conscious fashionista and artista into its’ pages. One of the clinchers was an article about “Super Role-Model,” Seane Corne. I have never taken class from her, though I did met her briefly at a Yoga Journal Live! conference.  We each had just finished teaching and were heading onto the next thing. It was brief with little time to get to know her. How I have gotten to know her best is by observing her multiple times in various Yoga venues. In this issue of Peppermint the author, Emily Lush, keyed in on Seane’s “two seemingly disparate interests in Yoga and social change” and “how these two strong aspects dovetail[ed]“ into Seane’s life’s work. In reading this description I gained clarity of my own path and what drew me to be interested in Seane (over countless other Rock Star Yoga Teachers) in large Yoga venues from Florida to Hawaii…our similarity of paths.

 

“My path has always been of service, engaging with the world, being part of a conversation of change…” It is as if she is describing my last almost thirty-five years of life. In reflection, I realize service has been part of my core values since very young. However, up until a couple decades ago, I would have labeled it as doing the right thing. The concept of ‘seva’ became a conscious choice over the last decade.

 

My growing up years took place in a Polish-German working class community in an outer town of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. When the factory whistle blew early (often before the sun rose) each morning I knew my grandpa Steve was hard at work in the big luminous building at the end of our road. When he returned home from the factory each afternoon, often exhausted from working the large machinery inside, if a neighbor happened to call on him for help the answer was always, “sure thing.” Even if he had just pulled a double shift. Helping others out wasn’t done for recognition or with the thought they will owe me when I need help. It was how we all made it through.

 

So when I serendipitously found myself in India studying Yoga; a life practice integrated into my every day life for fifteen years at that point; the pieces of my life were subtly merging. Contemplating the daily talks/teachings of the swami alongside my own life experiences offered further refinement of my life’s work to date. It also opened me to visions for the future. One morning the swami’s lecture spoke of Karma Yoga and the practice of being of service to others. We were encouraged to consider which marga/Yoga path to claim for our lives. At that moment choosing felt overwhelming. Many years later the realization came, the Karma path had really chosen me. Life definitely weaves different margas along the way, however the Karma path reamains the strongest and most present of them all. Before I even knew of Karmic acts of service I was visiting with elderly indivduals in nursing homes in middle school, tutoring Hmong refugees in high school, and witnessing the end of folk’s lives through hospice care after I skirted death myself. Since those early years a wide range of volunteer opportunities have filled my life with amazing encounters and learnings. Now I see my path quite clearly and pray for continued clarity in doing the right thing for the years to come.

 

I raise my tea cup to all those who allow seva to be a part of their life. Thank you for your efforts, your time and your love.